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My daddy asked me how I deal with “this time of year”.
Today is the third anniversary of my niece’s death. This week has had several numbing moments.
When daddy asked me that question, it caused me to think about some struggles that I had dealt with in the previous years and how different things seem to be this year.
I’m not in KY. This is the first Spring Break that I didn’t drive down to visit my sister and her family. I will not visit Abby’s grave this week. I can’t tell you how much I have missed my niece Mary this week and her brothers. I longed to embrace them and hold them close to me. My sister was going to come here last week with the whole family, that is partially why I didn’t make plans to visit them this week, because I was going to get to see them. Her husband Todd did come with their eldest son Alex. Todd graciously took off a whole week from work to help my mom and dad work on their new house. What a son in law! I was blessed to have some quality time with my nephew Alex during their visit, but that made me miss Caleb, Mary, and Jackson all the more. Alex sure did talk about them a lot. 
My memories of Abby are fading…
I can’t smell Abby anymore. This may be strange to you. I didn’t realize that I had a scent associated with her until I tried to remember her sweet smell and the softness of her hair against my chin as she had sat in my lap listening to me read stories to her.
I also was having trouble hearing her voice. I can’t hear Abby say my name anymore. That visit, the days before her death, was the first time she had called me “Aunt Lizzie”. I do remember Abby calling butterflies “fies”, but I can’t hear her say it anymore. Especially today, this was really starting to bother me. On my way home from work this evening, I started singing a praise song that is often sung at my sister’s church. Then I could hear Abby’s voice! I remember Abby singing those words, “holy holy holy Lord”. I can actually hear her voice singing in worship. I started weeping. Then I thanked God for that little gift. I was amazed how it had brought my thoughts heavenward to where Abby is now, praising her Lord and singing in his presence. My story doesn’t end here, nor my tears. I thought I had had my “cry” for today. But when I got home, I opened my sister’s blog, and this is what I found.
While I was growing up, I really wasn’t around very many families who had adopted children. It was just something I read about in stories. I was 13, when we joined CRPC, and one of the first things that my mom and I were invited to was a baby shower for a couple in the church. At that shower, I was so confused because the lady who was opening all the gifts obviously wasn’t pregnant, or surely couldn’t have been pregnant for very long. Somehow, throughout the whole evening I still didn’t pick up that this couple were adopting a child from Russia. I was too shy to ask anyone about it as well. Then, a few weeks later, their adoption process was brought up in prayer during worship. They’re adopting?? Wow! I was fascinated by the whole thing. I wanted to know more. I remembered my childhood play. I used to pretend that all my dolls and stuffed animals were orphans in an orphanage (the orphanage that I ran when I grew up.) and I was their only source of comfort and security. But here was a family who was taking into their home a child who had no parents. This baby was lost and alone, without identity. They were going to care for this infant, feed, clothe, pray for him, nurture him, call him theirs…
Soon after that, I started going through a membership class at church and I remember that they touched on the doctrine of adoption into God’s kingdom. Wow, God had sure been preparing my heart to hear that. It suddenly became very real to me. In our sin we are separated from God, lost and alone, dead. We are helpless, we do not know what’s good for us. Yet, God reaches out, takes us into His arms and calls us His children. He sacrificed His only begotten Son to cleanse us from our sin, and in Christ we are accepted by the Father and made fellow heirs with Christ. This is grace.
I have the privilege to know several families who have adopted children. Many times when I stop and consider their lives and families and how it is such a beautiful picture how God cares for us, I am moved to tears of joy.
Recently, I’ve been blessed to be steeped in teaching on Christian community and the fellowship we have and enjoy with one another because of Christ. All of this has reminded me about our adoption into His kingdom.
Ephesians 1
1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, to the saints which are at Ephesus, and to the faithful in Christ Jesus: 2 Grace be to you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ. 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: 4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: 5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, 6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. 7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace; 8 Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence; 9 Having made known unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself: 10 That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him: 11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: 12 That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ. 13 In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, 14 Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory. 15 Wherefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus, and love unto all the saints, 16 Cease not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers;
I’ve condensed my favorite pictures out of three previous slide shows into one.
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